So my name is Pim but some may know me as VelveT.
I have been playing games since well since I got my first console the Atari 1600.
I was instantly sold every day after school i would boot it up to some awesome 2D games haha.
It wasn`t till I got my second console the 8-bit Nintendo that people started question the times and hours I spent playing, I mean I was on there constantly I would sneak out of bed when my parents went to sleep just cause I was so set on finishing the game. Which is ofcourse not healthy for an 8 year old boy.
1 night I got busted again, my dad was sick of it that he took a pair of scissors and jammed it straight through the console.
(it still worked though so says enough about the quality back then ;) ). But once again nobody ever questioned as of why i got sucked in this thing so badly until years later. But as long as I went to bed like normal kids got up go to school and everything nobody saw the need anymore to question it in the first place.
Until I was 16. Again skipping classes or not going to school at all cause I wanted to be online to play Halo.
Started falling into that pattern once more only this time the urge was more agressive then before, And my mom had no power at all to stop it since she spended most of her time at the computer as well so confronting me would only end up in accusations being thrown back and forth with no result.
This went on for about 2 years. Thats when school started doing what my parents did not they set me up for counceling.
Short after they uncovered there was more to the story then what I was showing to the outside world, and decided to sign me up for full on therapy where I had to undergo severall tests which at first indicated I had problems connecting to people lack of understanding when it came to friendships or any type of relationship for that matter.
You could be my best friend for years and I could drop you like a brick for severall years before reporting in again and had 0 understanding on how the other person might have felt.
Even my own father I had barely seen him since my parents split up and just when i came in contact with him again, He got send to the hospital cause he got sick reall bad. I only visited him once in the 2 years he was in there cause I always thought everything would be okay.
I could not be more wrong the Diabetus in combination with a longue infection had done so much damage to his body that he told the doctors to unplug him the moment they got him out of artificial coma. Doctors warned him that by doing so he would only have 2 weeks or a month tops but he didn`t care anymore he did not have the energy anymore to fight for his life and just wanted to go home to his family.
This for me was fuel to the fire that was allready going on in my head.
By this time I had done so much damage to friends and people that I only saw 1 way out of that mess, And that was flee.
I didn`t care to where as long as I was far away from here as possible.
So I ended up living in Germany about 2 hours away from cologne. Problem free I thought rest no debts finally an empty head. But as many people know if theres something wrong with you mentally it doesnt matter where you live or how far away you move from the source it will always come back.
So after 2 years of doing nothing other then causing debts and playing videogames I got tired of living this life and decided to finally take action. Dumped the girl I was with (which is sad but sometimes you have no choice to choose the 1 thing thats best for you and on occasion this does not involve your other half) Packed what i could carry and took a train back home.
After a month or so I re-signed myself back in therapy and my problems finally got a brand Autism and OCD.
I had found a perfect balance of buying myself happy locking feelings out and keeping myself safe from getting hurt in any matter. Both physical and mentally i had a shield around me blocking out everything.
Unless I was gaming. Every time I booted up a game the chaos in my head was calm. I did not just play so many hours a day cause i was addicted or did not have any goals in life and so on.
No I was playing constantly to silence the storm that was and still is going on in my head. I know its not a permanent answer to my problems.
All I want to say is every issue has its beautifull sides as well. I mean I really did meet some awesome people along my path. A lot which I still hold dear today, Brainiac, Mystic, Barbie, Apollo, mbCarmac and of course the people behind Quantic Gaming, Double Dutch Dragons, LowLandLions, and AT Gaming, Power Unlimited, and many other Fariko Gaming players.
Now theres a big change waiting for me as we expect our first child to be born within the next 20 days. This will be my beautifull next chapter as well as a huge challenge for me. But I am ready to embrace it.
So all I want to say is thank you to all the people that stuck around. Thank you to everyone who looked beyond my shell beyond my problems. Thank you to all of you that have supported and or still support me.
I apolagize for any spelling or grammar errors that may be hidden in this blog i dont normally do this as well as leaving out some blanks in my history if you have questions feel free to ask me :)
Whenever you experience something bad look beyond it and take out everything positive you might find there.